Let’s be realistic, there’s no ready-to-be job mode to be a teenager’s parent, just as there’s no perfect parent. They are all unique and expectations are great, especially for you parents.
Teenage is a period during which trials and mistakes have been conducted and our parents are questioned to forge our own identity and the vast majority of parents survive this tumultuous period. Teenage is the time of life in which your child changes the fastest!
Remember that you do not have to be perfect, to feel normal in your reactions, to preserve a beautiful relationship with your teenager, because even if he makes superhuman efforts to prove that he is autonomous and independent, what he wants... reality is that he still needs your support, your advice and your love for many years.
You can positively influence your teenager
Your teenager doesn't let him appear, but what you do and what you say is important to him. He no longer imitates you as when he was three years old, but he observes you, weighs it for and against what you do, and could adopt several of your attitudes, perhaps even without realizing it. Especially if you have a good connection with him.
How should it be as a parent?
It is especially if you have parental attitudes demonstrating your warmth, listening and an open mind that your teenager will respect you, will trust you and be influenced by you. First and foremost, it is important that you accept that your child is a different person from you. This may seem obvious at first sight, but many parents sometimes forget it.
Especially let them be themselves!
Have you ever seen parents insist that their child perform in music classes or sports activities as if the honour of the family depended on them? Have you ever known people whose career choice has been totally influenced by the pressure of parents and who, after a few years, realized that they were unhappy in their profession or profession?
Pressure: disastrous consequences
How the pressure of parents can sometimes have as many disastrous consequences as peer pressure! As evidence, this type of situation serves as a basis for several films and novels. These are examples of parents who want the good of their child, but who perceive their child as their extension. It's like the well-being of their offspring was to go through a path traced by them.
He's a full being
Your child is a person different from you, whose good you wish and who looks like you, but who has the right to make his own choices. The path that will lead to his well-being and happiness that you so wish is perhaps a different path to yours, from the one you had imagined for him.
Thus, it is better to ask him the questions that will help him find SON way, rather than to indicate a path already traced by you.
The period of adolescence is the period in which he must learn to differentiate himself, to weigh the for and against all that you inculcated him, and it is healthy that he does. If you respect it and have a good relationship with it (although some occasional conflicts), chances are that it will reject only very little of your values and opinions, that it will adopt a large part of it.
Be humble, apologise, acknowledge your error when you make one and respect it! If you want your teenager to respect you, you must first respect it.
If you want him to recognize his mistakes, recognize yours.
You are still and always a model for him, even if it is part-time at this stage! Now that he has a more critical look at you, he will reject some of your attitudes, and he will adopt others. So, when you make a judgment mistake, especially when it concerns your relationship with him, have the humility to recognize your error and apologize.
Recognizing a part of truth in what he says is the best way to defuse his anger and to be able to continue to influence it, despite your imperfections and mistakes. Your teenager will admire you and respect you for your humility.
Sometimes giving them reason
If on the contrary, you adopt the attitude of "I'm always right and you're always wrong because I'm the parent and you are the child," he/she may focus on your defects and swear to never become like you, despite your qualities, that he/she will not see. And here's your potential for positive influence in smoke...
This article was taken from the book by Nadia Gagnier Teenagers: parent survival guide, published in the editions La presse